Anger management is an industry that’s thriving in many of the so-called “civilized” countries. Techniques, classes, workshops, certified trainers and their programs, all these account for a big part of what we usually call the self-growth industry. It’s already a trend that companies pay for anger management programs for their employees. Did you know that there are more than half million monthly searches in Google for anger management and for other related terms such as anger classes, anger control, anger issues, anger help, depression anger, dealing with anger, anger counseling or anger techniques?

So many people are seeking for solutions and yet, there are so many angry individuals in almost every imaginable situation. So, your boss wants you calm, your spouse wants you calm, your kids want you calm, the other drivers in traffic want you calm… but are they free from anger themselves? At your turn, you probably want everybody else calm. You think that this will make your anger disappear. This is briefly how everybody gets frustrated because the rest of the world is not behaving the way it should. But since there are so many humans on the planet, who defines which is the way we should behave? Who makes the rules? We don’t even have the same God all over the world, so who’s going to be the supreme judge in this respect? If you don’t know how to control anger, despite your wish to do it, bear with us for a moment and try to figure out this life fact:

In the fall, leaves in trees turn yellow and fall

So, you have a big tree in front of your house, and each fall you watch its leaves going yellow and falling off on the ground. It’s just they way the tree’s nature is, to shed all leaves for the winter and get new buds and young leaves every spring. Are you going angry about that? Why don’t you get mad? You know you should, because you’re the one who has to sweep all those dry leaves each day during one full month, year after year. It’s not fair for the tree to treat you like that! After all, you’re the one who takes care of the tree, you trim it carefully, you water it, you protect it against bugs and diseases… the tree should be grateful and not make you spend so much time sweeping leaves. How angry are you about that? Grrrrrr…

If your honest answer is “I’m angry”, then how does your anger change the tree’s behavior? Is the tree struggling to keep his leaves on the branches for as long as possible, only to avoid upsetting you, the almighty protector of trees in your courtyard? If your tree did that, you’d probably better be looking for a tree psychotherapist, because something is rotten in there. But most probably, your tree couldn’t care less about your anger: if the leaves need to fall, so they will, regardless your opinion on that. So, if by now you tend to agree that getting angry on the poor tree for behaving naturally is a non-sense, why then would you get angry on your child because he wants to do things his own way, which is not always yours? Why would you get angry on your colleague being too slow to keep pace with you? Or why getting furious and swearing when you meet a clumsy driver in traffic? Like leaves fall from a reason, the clumsy driver could behave like that for a reason. Maybe he’s just suffering from a heart attack and losing control of the wheel that very moment. Would you still be angry if you knew that? Probably not.

Do you see what I’ve just done with you? Do you see that anger is only in your mind? External conditions are just food for your mind to develop the rage and make your heart beat faster. You don’t need any anger management techniques. All you need is to catch that moment before anger takes over your mind and acknowledge that what others do is beyond your control. You can only control how you react to their actions. It’s in your power to choose getting worn out because of anger attacks day after day, or trying to find creative solutions to resolve situations that you may perceive as being unpleasant. Next time you’re in your car, in a traffic jam, on a terrible rain, instead of getting angry, try to think of something else for a change: think of how lucky you are to be inside your car, waiting for the other cars to move on, instead of being one of those poor walkers, with their umbrellas torn out by the strong wind, wiped all over their bodies by the merciless rain, and horned and sworn by drivers like you, for not being able to cross the road faster. You don’t have to believe my words. Just remember to try this next time you feel like getting angry, then come back here and tell me if this wasn’t the best anger management technique ever.